So….I consider myself an expert on this subject. Statistics say that 50% of marriages end in divorce. My family and friends, the average seems even higher. My understanding of what marriage means is getting deeper every day it seems. When I hear about divorce no matter who it involves it makes me very sad.
When I grew up, my birth parents were never married. I was five years old and my Dad was out of my life until I was an adult. My Mom did get married after this, and this relationship continued throughout my entire time at the house. Our relationship was poor, and I felt like I did not belong. The sad reality is this person was not my father. This was a forced relationship with everyone in our home. I did not want to be his son, and he did not appear to be interested to be my father either. In 2005 after I had been grown and gone and started being an adult, my Mom and Stepfather separated. The relationship between my step dad and my sister cooled considerably prior to the separation. Even as this relationship separated, pain continued. During this marriage, they were blessed with my Brother Matt. As he was entering his teenage years he was now going to be without two parents in the home.
I have a friend right now who is in the process of getting divorced. He was with his wife for 13 years, they were together longer than him and I have been friends. He has held himself together very well, put his best effort to put his daughter first in everything. I was over at his house a few weekends ago and at a bonfire as we were putting old furniture and anything else that will burn on a fire…to include wedding gifts and treasures from their marriage.
It seems now as I am getting a few years older I am hearing about as many divorces as marriages these days. Why? Apparently broken promises spoke in front of God is permissible. I know there are reasons to get divorced, spousal abuse, unfaithfulness, abandonment and the like. In fact, all the examples listed above included one of these items as a contributing factor.
Well I just don’t love this person anymore. Who cares? You made a promise to this person that you would be with this person until the end of your days. Maybe you could use the divorce reason “Irreconcilable differences”, or agree to disagree I guess.
Part of me feels like that we are on some sort of “Hunger Games” set and may the best tributes be left standing. Every time I hear about divorce I get really sad. I am not a perfect human being, and far from it. I am short tempered at times, I work far too hard at my job and it gets my best and too many days my wife gets my worst. I snore, fail to turn lights off in a room when I leave the room, and probably don’t do my fair share with the dogs on a daily basis. Certainly, my wife is far from perfect too. I worry that tension will get between us, passive or otherwise. Every time I hear about somebody getting divorced, we talk about this and we re-affirm how much we mean to each other.
What would happen if people worked through their problems? What if both people decided divorce isn’t an option? What if both people decided Irreconcilable differences was not going to happen because communication was going to remain open?
This is a very sensitive issue. Everyday I realize more what my vow meant. I have vowed to spend the rest of my days with her, and she did the same. She has vowed to live with me when I go away to work for a week, and I have vowed to live with her when she nags me about doing more with the dogs. More importantly we are doing this walk together to the life after. In my walk with God, she helps me and leads me to be a better Christian. I think part of the reason she is here is to help keep me from straying too far from the path to Eternal life.
Marriage has been an issue that has been being raised in front of courts everywhere in America, with the attempt to re-define what marriage means. I am not an advocate of gay marriage. I am also not ok with any sort of discrimination. But what divorce has done with traditional marriage has advanced the discussion of what marriage means.
Marriage is defined as a man and woman in the Bible. If homosexuals want to get married in whatever the US government calls marriage, whatever the Supreme Court decides. But I am going to stand by the Biblical view because I think human beings have done enough to change the importance of the marriage vows. My love for my Savior and his commands takes precedence to form my viewpoint. It is not my place to decide what needs to happen, and I am thankful for that. Its a no win situation.
I consider the Bible to be complete and true. There are many things that I would much rather not examine myself against, and I pray for God’s forgiveness and strength to overcome.
We have only been married for three years. We certainly are not the perfect couple, and I certainly don’t have all the answers for everyone to have a happy marriage. I pray for our marriage each and every day. I pray to become a better husband. I pray for marriage in general. Marriage needs to be handed back to God’s plan for us and to keep the message of the cross at the center.